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Okay, I’m just going to do a bunch of these all at once. Rapid fire, kind of. I’ve got Red Riding Hood, Rubber, Immigration Tango, Bereavement and Gnomeo & Juliet. All the trailers worth talking about!

GNOMEO & JULIET

THE AWESOME: From the looks of it, this is one of those jokes-on-top-of-gags-on-top-of-puns comedies that simply don’t get made often enough. With any luck there won’t be a serious moment in the entire film marring that brilliance (ahem, looking at you, Shrek). There’s the obvious Borrower-gags with the lawn mower and make-shift weaponry, but if they can load more bits like “You look like a fun guy”, this is going to be the best comedy before Autumn.

THE UNAWESOME: See how everything has a life in this movie? That can be cool, but they are clearly going to play it like it’s a discovery every time and sweet jemima is that going to get annoying.

 

RED RIDING HOOD

THE AWESOME: It’s a re-imagining, but it’s not going completely off the rails. Nor is it trying to pull one of those “You know the legend, now learn the true story” tricks. Gotta love Gary Oldman as the apparent antagonist to our young lovers, who I foresee getting slaughtered by our wolf just before the beast is really destroyed by someone believing in themselves.

THE UNAWESOME: “Like, OMG, look how effing hip we are!” Amanda Seyfried is not a bad actress, but she doesn’t have the screen power to lead this kind of movie. Hence, Shiloh Fernandez. Who? Exactly. He’s the pretty thing who, if this movie has any brains, isn’t the wolf. He’s there to make Amanda look good and keep thirteen-year-old girls from skipping the movie because “it looks weird”. Watchable, yet thoroughly predictable (I’m calling Seyfried as the wolf, right now), but it’s still basically Stephanie Meyer’s Le Pacte de Loups.

 

IMMIGRATION TANGO

THE AWESOME: The premise is interesting. Two fake couples for the sake of green cards? Likely, yet ripe for hilarity.

THE UNAWESOME: The hilarity rots on the vine. Oh, look, the guys are jealous, while the women are apparently completely secure in all this. Oh, look, the fake couples are sort of falling for each other (which makes the guys uncomfy, yet the women are acting like it’s one big key party). Oh, look, snide remarks. You’re going to try to get serious on us, aren’t you? Oh, *beep*.

 

RUBBER

THE AWESOME: An abandoned tire comes to life for no reason and goes on a killing spree. Which part of that doesn’t fill you with the need to see this? Hell, it’s a movie about a tire! Not a talking tire, not a boy and his tire best friend, not a 3-D animated tire. A tire. That kills people. The total straight face of the film is what’s going to make this work. Dry as a freaking bone!

THE UNAWESOME: I am worried about how long this movie is going to be. As enamored of the premise as I am (which is a whole bunch), if this tries to push past the 80 min. mark, we’re looking at serious collapse without some equally genius secondary innovation.

 

BEREAVEMENT

THE AWESOME: You had me at Michael Biehn.

THE UNAWESOME: Everything else. It was a good idea trying to focus on the psychological side, but it’s clearly slipped into being yet another film that thinks gore = scary.

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